February is the month of love, which got me thinking about a unique phenomenon that occurs almost daily in Japanese culture: the Kokuhaku (告白/ こくはく) or love confession.

I have been a high school teacher for many years in Tokyo, where I have witnessed this culture unfold right in front of me, especially during Valentine’s day. The high school girls go into a frenzy, and as a foreigner witnessing this, was really fascinating.

This word is more than just two simple Kanji phrases combined. It is almost one of those coming-of-age aspects of Japanese culture, where you have to confess to your beloved before you officially get into a relationship.

It is an actual thing. When I was a teacher in the JET Program, and living in Japan for some time, some of my high school students around the time of valentines would disclose their love interests and would show me the letters they wrote. As well as relaying exactly when they would hand them out to which specific boy. These confessions are quite serious and require a huge amount of bravery. I must say that the kokuhaku culture is common, not only with high school students but with adults as well. This is the ultimate Japanese way for setting your intentions clear, and also a way to start a serious relationship with someone special. The actual dating will take place after, depending on whether the confession was accepted or not.

Firstly, when someone “kokuhakus” they are looking to get serious about their feelings towards someone. Often with the hopeful outcome of a romantic relationship.

Secondly, let us explore how one would say it. I have heard this many times in the corridors of my high school from beaming teenagers screaming in anticipation to the person to whom their affection is directed and hopefully reciprocated. Usually, I heard my students say this for a confession;  好きです (suki desu; I like you), which is followed by 付き合ってください (tsukiatte kudasai, “please go out with me”). This is a simple exchange, but packed with lots of courage and bravery!

As a South African, this way of doing things may sound counter-intuitive and perhaps strange. Because in Western culture, it is normal to do things differently.

Because in Western culture, it is normal to do things differently.

What stands out to me about the Kokuhaku culture, and leaves many questions answered,  is its effectiveness, and how practical it is in facilitating healthy dating processes. It is a bit different to how we sometimes do things in South Africa, or in the West. Do we have “confessions” in South African culture? It seems that in other parts of the world, you would go on dates, to establish rapport over time, and whether you like this person and then gradually fall into a relationship. However, with the kokuhaku culture, it takes a very different, interesting order of events.

Where are you reading this from? I would love to know your thoughts about the kokuhaku culture and how different or even similar it is to you!

Written by Precious Molobye for JLCSA